Today's advice

Today's advice: When buying sexy lingerie off ebay, keep in mind that when getting it from Asia, their XL's are actually XXXXS. And there is nothing sexy about trying to squeeeeze a XL body in XXXXS lingerie, trust me.

Today's advice

Todays advice: when introducing parents to the new bf, monitor how much sambuca your dad cosumes, other wise he could start pointing and yelling at him "YOUR ONLY WITH HER FOR HER BOOBS" then you'll have to pry the new bf out of the fetal position.... awkward

Today's advice

Today's advice: don't go to your bf's for a booty call because if your a violent yeti you'll leave him in the fetal position *rocking* saying 'I feel violated' ..... ;) woop woop do what I want....

Today's Advice

Today's advice: If your me, just forget completly about trying to befriend kids/teenagers while serving them, todays example: ME -'Hey champ hows it going, wow got some red paint on your hands did you, what have u been spray painting (chuckles to yourself thinking what a cool joke)'. KID- 'nothing they are birthmarks'.... Silence. FOR FUCKS SAKE, *rolling my eyes at myself* why don't I just give up. Sorry Kid.

Today's Advice

After hearing a story (while serving an old man) about how his dog has 'ripped to shreads over 12 cats', DON'T say 'god I hope your dog was put down.' Because he'll say 'no' like its a stupid thing to say and then it will be the longest awkward minute of silence for rememberence day ever....

Today's Advice

If somehow you get a bruise (example a hikkie :s) on your neck, and you have to work 21 hours in 2 days, DON'T bother trying to cover it up with makeup of any sort, It'll make it look worse, and when you try to scrub it off to make an attempt at fixing it your neck will go all red and blotchy and it'll look like you have a strange neck disease. Frick.

Today's Advice

When chasing after a scary shoplifter who's just walked out with a basket full or groceries, yelling out 'um excuse me, yeah, ah, um, excuse me, you have our groceries can we have them back please? Is not the most effective way of going about things, next time It'll be 'OI YOU FILTHY BOGAN SCUM STEALING OUR SHIT, BRING IT THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW'.